i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
areolas are like halos for boobs.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Of course I have a pirate flag
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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