We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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