we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
