Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
