I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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