i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
