That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
