used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
