he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
