if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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