Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
