Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
