brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
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