the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
