Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
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