Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
