You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
