i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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