hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
