So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
