I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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