I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
