i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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