omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Randomize
