im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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