they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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