I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
