He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
