Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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