the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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