I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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