she woke up with a sticky ear
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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