He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
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He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
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Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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