HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
