You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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