Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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