Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
