I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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