id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
