why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We're too hungover to prance.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
