let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We left an ass print on the piano.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
