Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
