saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Four minutes until I can fart!
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
