Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
