he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
