you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
you traded sex for a burrito?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
