He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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