All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize