Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
