i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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