Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
