if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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