oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
