hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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