its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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