whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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