a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
