are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
