life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
