don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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