Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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