We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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