I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
