At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
