Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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