My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
