she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
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