Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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