"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
